Friday, November 06, 2009

Dear Mean Person,

This has been a long time in coming, but I think we're both ready now. I came to a revelation today. And because it was all because of you, I feel you should be the first to know:

I.Don't.Like.You.

What? I can imagine you saying.

You heard me! I don't like you!

I don't get to choose everyone I come in contact with. Some people,I choose to be around, some people I get to be around and some people I have to be around. I have a lot of relationships that fall into the "choose to" and "get to" categories. But you, mean person, are in the third.

I don't like being around you because you don't treat me well. You're borderline rude, outright snarky and often just plain old mean. I've excused you for months now with inane comments like: "You're just having a bad day (which turned into bad week, which turned into bad month...)" "You don't know me well enough yet. I can still win you over!" "You're just stressed right now."

However, the excuses are over and done with. I've observed enough and heard enough to realize it's not me, it's you! I will respect you and be polite, but beyond that - nothing. I'm giving myself the freedom to stop trying to like you - you make it too hard! The dread before our encounters is not worth it. The stress headaches after our encounters are not worth it either!

I'm still going to give other people a chance. I'm still going to cultivate meaningful relationships. I'm still going to keep putting myself out there. But just to show you this isn't all about me, I wanted to let you in on a little secret. Ready?

You don't have to like me either.

Most Sincerely,
Kate

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Nine Short Weeks

In nine short weeks...

...I will be walking across the stage towards a very special piece of paper.

...I will be done writing checks with phrases like "Tuition" or "Books" or "Parking Pass" in the memo line.

...I will be working. Just working.

...I will be going to bed at 9:30, or 8:30 if I want to!

...I will be missing the smell of new textbooks.

...I will be slowly forgetting how taking tests feels.

...I will be writing. For fun. And myself.

...I will be relieved. At peace. And done.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Who I Am


Competitive
- sometimes to a fault.

Talented
- and now not afraid to say it.

Responsible
- to the point of exhaustion.

Needing Encouragement
- never realized this one, until five months went by without it.

Strong
- I will stand up for others and now - finally - myself.

Adaptable
- until I realize I no longer should be in certain circumstances.

Valuable
- to those who can see past the ends of their own noses.

Accomplisher
- as I cross off item, after item, after item, after item...

Perfectionist
- dust must go and laundry must not pile...unless homework incapacitates me.

Trainer
- of myself, others, dogs...

Tough
- I will not let others treat me like I wouldn't treat them.

Just
- I give people a chance...sometimes too much of one...

Creative
- I need time to mull over an idea, but when I do - Amazing!

Particular / Anal
- what an asset! Unless the paper is due right now.

Loyal
- until you prove yourself unworthy of that loyalty.

Loved
- by God, my husband, my families and my friends. (Oh - and two dogs!)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Is this Ok?

Can I write an entire blog post using only questions? Not a single answer? Will you get sick and click that "x" or keep reading?

How do we spend more time with those we've chosen to have in our lives? How do we get beyond the "should'ves and gottas" to spend quality moments - and lots of them - with the people we claim to care about?

How do the responsibilities grow so large that they block the sun, the light, any hope for a peaceful future?

How do I just STOP it all and take a peaceful moment? And find the time for healthy choices, healthy activities and healthy relationships?

How do we move beyond the stress of work and find the joy?

Does it ever get easier?

(Aren't you glad you encouraged me to get back on the blogging wagon?)

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Sound of Silence

I've been pretty quiet lately...and was chastised for it last night! So, to keep my extensive readership happy and knowledgeable, here's what I haven't blogged about over the last couple/many weeks:

1. I did not lose my job! However, a guy in my dept. did. This leads to me taking over all of his responsibilities after his final day on Sept. 27 and making my crazy life just that much more insane.

2. I nearly lost the tip of my finger to a my dogs teeth: While breaking up a fight between Sadie and another dog, my right-hand index finger got in Sadie's mouth (don't even ask - it happened too fast. All I DO know is I remember the moment when her teeth cut through my flesh. Not a fun memory.) I got five stitches from edge to edge. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch and ouch. I've since discovered the great sensitivity of finger tips.

3. My final semester of school has begun. I feel like there should be an exclamation point behind that sentence, but I'm waiting for the elation to set it - it hasn't yet...

4. I'm still pondering the diet thing - we'll see.

5. I would love to post some great pictures of our amazingly redone kitchen. However, I'm NEVER home during the day for good light. So, try to be patient. Maybe this weekend?

6. I had a great weekend with my newly-turned-11-year-old sister! We did a spa day, went to see UP (a great movie! I cried. Twice.), went shopping and had some good chats. Happy (belated) birthday Janna girl!

And that's what's happened while I've been inaudible here. More audibility to come. Promise.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Perfect Timing

I made the decision about which job I was going to keep. (Job #1)

I had my farewell lunch with co-workers from my former job yesterday.

After that lunch, I went to my new job for the afternoon.

Where I found out that next Thursday, 9 or 10 people from the new place will be laid off.

Do you see the irony here?

Friday, August 07, 2009

Trip Down Energy Lane

(I promise to get back to the three words - and please don't think scantily-clad women! Chemicals, people, chemicals!)

I'm thinking about embarking on a quest. This is a lingering idea that always formulates in the back of my head when I get particularly run-down, stressed and lose all energy and time for exercise. A few years ago (ok, it's been more than a few - closer to five!), I was "diagnosed" with chronic fatigue syndrome. I say "diagnosed" because, after finding a low level of the mononucleosis virus in my system, assuming it has always been there - and will always be there - and having no other good ideas, the doctor said I probably had chronic fatigue.

Since then, I found some things that mask this "thorn in my side": Coffee (a lot, first thing in the morning), running (which I hate and don't think I could be paid enough to start up again), and 10 hours of sleep a night, plus a 1-hour nap in the afternoon (this is a completely unrealistic option - no one has this kind of time).

So, after rotating through these options, and doing some research, I've come across two other remedies that dovetail nicely and could bring about a measure of relief. Both involve food. Duh, duh duuuuuuh. (ominous strings).

I'm not a little girl, all petite and cute and I'm not obese, but like most Americans, I could stand to lose a few. The main reason: I am a carb-oholic. I love bread, pastries, milk, casseroles, pasta, rice, etc... The problem with these very delicious foods is that they wreck havoc on my body. (Or so I'm coming to think...) I just finished reading the book "The Metabolism Miracle" and watching the documentary "The Future of Food" on Hulu (most amazing site ever). While devoted to two completely different subjects, both got me thinking. Maybe this horrible lack of energy and bleariness all day long is due to something I'm eating! (A novel idea, no?)

When you hear that 75 percent of the things we eat are made from corn products (a very simple carb) and are processed to the Nth degree, it makes you think. When you read about the way some people's bodies react to carbs (insulin spiking then falling dramactially / crashing, causing huge energy swings), it makes you wonder. Then when you realize you have been eating processed food and loving them for most of your life, you wonder why you aren't more exhausted and have even bigger problems!

So, I'm thinking about beginning a journey. Perhaps slowly, at first, but as I look towards the future, I can see the possibilities of a life-long change. I've decided there are a few things that could make a huge difference:

- Cut out sugars - completely
- Move away from milk (have you ever looked at the carb count for a serving of milk? HUGE!)
- Get rid of the breads (tearing up a little on this one)
- Really get on the bandwagon for veggies at every meal (even breakfast - yikes!)

So, this plan would involve recipe research - almost every recipe I own contains carbs; very intentional grocery shopping; willpower in the store to resist the "good-tasting-but bad-for-you" stuff and a little extra time in the kitchen (one of our special words for this week!).

There's my quest idea. When I tried to make a drastic diet change a few weeks ago, this happened. And while I don't relish another such episode, maybe I need to buck up and get serious about this stuff. My body may revolt, but like a child (or naughty dog), I need to train it for its own sake.